6 Bad Restaurant Behaviors Insiders Are Begging You Avoid

We’re not going to sugarcoat it for you: Eating out at a restaurant isn’t all Instagram-worthy dishes and Michelin-minted service. From receiving a cold entrée to waiting 20 minutes to have your water glass refilled, less-than-stellar service does happen every so often. But for the people who work at your favorite eateries? Well, they’re often confronted with a revolving door of bad dining behavior: Harsh attitudes, impossible demands, and abysmal tips.

“We absolutely provide a service, but we are not servants,” says says Laura*, whose restaurant experience ranges from bartending to being a general manager. “A lot of the actions, however misguided, I think make many of us feel that way.” See below for etiquette mistakes to avoid during your next time dining out.

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Mistake #1: Second-Guessing the Wait 

Imagine: You’ve just walked into a seemingly empty restaurant without a reservation, so snagging a table will be a breeze, right? Well, not quite. While you might be quoted a wait time that seems disproportionate to the restaurant’s occupancy, don’t argue with the staff. “It’s annoying and sometimes rude because it gives the impression that you know more about the situation than the person whose actual job it is to ensure everyone gets a table in a timely fashion,” says Laura.

From anticipating a big dining rush to catching up with a backed-up kitchen, there’s a reason you’re waiting, so trust the process. Or, as Laura would say? “Plotting tables is a large game of chess with pieces always moving and so much to consider,” she explains. “A restaurant needs butts in seats to survive; we’re not just making you wait because we like to.”

Mistake #2: Making Special Requests

While most restaurants are happy to accommodate dietary restrictions or special occasions like birthdays or anniversaries, there is a limit. “Many people will call on a Friday or Saturday night expecting a table at seven o’clock for four people, and that is an impossible request,” says Julian* who works at the front of the house. “They also usually know the table number they must be sat at and even request items that are off-menu or we don’t even have.”

Julian says that he’s met with entitlement when things don’t go a picky customer’s way. “I’m often told that they live in the neighborhood or know the owner, which most of the time, they do not,” he says. “It’s a frustrating experience for servers because we don’t know what to expect [once] they are seated, and they usually take up a lot of time when you have other tables to take care of.”  

Translation? A seasoned wait staff wants to treat their guests like VIPs, but nobody appreciates a diva attitude.

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Mistake #3: Ignoring the Menu 

Whether you’re a first-time diner or well-known regular, always look at the menu. Not only does a quick read keep you up to date on price changes or seasonal specials, but it makes your server’s job a lot easier. 

“A behavior that drives me nuts is when guests sit down, do not look at the menu at all, and start asking me if we have whatever random drink or wine or food item that they want,” says Elena*, who has been working in the service industry for 15 years. “Please read the menu, and then ask questions. I am happy to offer suggestions and alternatives, but I can’t do anything if you’re asking for pizza at a Mexican restaurant.” Once you have a solid understanding of a restaurant’s offerings, your server will be more than happy to recommend wine pairings or detail the catch of the day.”

Mistake #4: Disrespecting the Staff

It should go without saying, but treating your wait staff with respect is a non-negotiable. However, these service pros share that diners can second-guess their authority or reduce their profession to an “easy job.” “I think most people assume that this is a very easy industry to work in, but I can honestly say it’s probably one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had the pleasure of doing,” says Laura. “I truly love nothing more than providing an amazing experience for guests that they think back on for years afterwards.”

Elena agrees: “The ability to multitask and essentially stage-manage an event every day where the expectation is to be 100% because to us it is just another day, but to a guest it’s their first time, makes for a mentally and physically demanding job.”

Speaking of respect, you should never, ever touch your waitstaff. “I have been groped more than I can count over the years,” Elena shares. “I had a man physically leap out from a booth and tackle me to get my attention to order a drink. He thought it was funny and I was like, ‘Guess what? You are never getting a drink order from me.’” Keep your hands to yourself.

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Mistake #5: Clearing Your Place Setting

Believe it or not, servers don’t want you to stack up plates or hand them glasses at the end of a course. While some guests might think they’re doing their server a favor, Laura points out that they’re inadvertently disrupting a careful balancing act. “A guest trying to help me stack while I’m figuring the best way to clear unobtrusively is rough,” she says. “Oftentimes, being handed something that is actually going to cause the tower of empty dishes to fall over or adding something to a tray in my hand that may change the weight distribution.” If you want to help, Laura says it’s okay to push your dishes, utensils, and glassware to the end of the table—but not necessarily. “More often I’d rather you sit back, enjoy the experience, and let me take care of it,” she adds. 

Mistake #6: Leaving a Low Tip

Tips might be an optional fee, but you should always factor it into your final bill. In fact, Elena says that low-balling your server has more consequences than hurting feelings. “The reliance on tips to pay for a (maybe) living wage is very stressful,” she says. “It’s hard to feel like you’re constantly being graded at the end of a meal, though most people I find do consistently tip at least 20 percent.”

*Names have been changed.